The Publishers Den

THE ANATOMY OF A VICIOUS CYCLE

So here you are. You promised yourself this would never happen to you again.  It started off so wonderfully.  He/She looked at you, you look in to their eyes and the magic just started to happen.  Two soul mates a drift in an ocean of lost souls finding and connecting with each other.  For a few months it was over the top romantic dinners, trips to the beach and the type of romance that you’d wished would never end.

Then the dark clouds rolled in.  There was an unexpected lose of communication.  Was it a misunderstanding?  Was its mixed messaging?  What happened?  Then there’s the inevitable, “What’s wrong with me?”  For the next two or three months you become a recluse only talking to family and close friend on the phone, avoiding invitations to social outings and even a good friends wedding.  There you are crying till your scalp itches form  dehydration.

How many times had they called you and you fought to keep yourself from answering the phone?  How many times had you been tempted to call them only to be scolded by your conscience and have your sense of self respect and what little self esteem you had left stopped you?  Some times your friends and family were overly protective.  They introduced ideas that never entered you mind.  Suicide was something you never contemplated, though you felt like you were dying.  The pain in your chest felt like a herd of elephants were standing on your heart.  The searing memories of embarrassment and shame were more than Tylenol could manage.

Then finally you walked out one day to find that the sun light no longer invoked unpleasant memories.  A gentile breeze was no longer the harbinger of ghostly images of what could have been.  At long last the healing had taken place and you were your old self again.  Not even a hint of scar tissue remained.  Friends were glad to see you out and about and your family really missed you.  For a while you’ll do fine.  But then the reality of being alone starts to rear its ugly head.  You forget the pain of loss and you ignore the subliminal warnings.  You’re back and you are determine to prove that the curse is no longer there.  You can and you will find the love of your life and be happy.

Lets stop her and get a sense of what the fundamental case of the [curse] stems from.  There is nothing wrong with YOU.  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be happy with a companion of your choice.  The culprit here is LONELINESS, yes.  Its not your looks.  It’s not chronic bad breath and no, one breast is not lower than the other.  But like so many of us, you are looking for love in the desperate attempt to end the crushing feeling of loneliness.

This is how it breaks down.  After recovering and some extra time to feel the chains of repetition totally dissolve; when you become open to risk again, loneliness causes you to let your guard down.  You have a certain preferred type of personality the you feel is your dream mate.  Each time you reach the point of no return, when libido and the need for exclusive attention from the opposite sex converge, you throw caution to the wind.  You see the prospect, normally after a couple of sociable drinks, and you set yourself up.

You’re either too forward or too obvious.  You psych yourself into believing that this is [IT] at long last this is not Mr. or Mrs. [Right Now] this is going to be the keeper.  All this to appease you self image because you are not easy.  You are discerning, have good judgment and good taste.  What you fail to realize is that loneliness, has dulled your other wise glowing sense of what is and what is not worth your time, effort, love and commitment.

So you proceed and either on the third date or that very night, you consummate the deal.  Thought;  when you wait for the prize, you get to really know your prospective romantic partner.  You can spend time getting to know the ins and outs of their personality.  Can they handle your craziness and can you live with theirs?  On the other hand if you surrender yourself too earlier the “you’re crazy” is a burden to bare and not a mutual adventure to be shard later in the relationship.

After a few months, reasonable demands for change become ultimatums.  And moments of extreme emotional stress, that may result in tears, become the trappings of a needy clinging Albatross.

So head the warnings, contain yourself, fight the need to appease loneliness, and maintain that pleasant air that makes you, You.  The right person for you will notice, and they will approach you.  They will check with your friends and family. They will make changes that they know will impress you before they say hello and in the final analysis, the right person will find you.  They will wait if you want to wait and they will treasure you for your morals and individual personal characteristics.

So stop the vicious cycle.  Denying loneliness is another victory in your life.  Good things come to those who wait and the right person is just waiting on you.